the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We left an ass print on the piano.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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