My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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