Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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