so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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