So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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