You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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