Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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