I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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