It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
