It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
