Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
