Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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