come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
