how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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