Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
