Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
