every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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