Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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