I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
