Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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