He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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