did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
