I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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