Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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