Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
