Me too!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
