i need an iv and a liver transplant
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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