I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
