My liver just broke up with me...
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
