Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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