every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
