After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
