Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
