the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize