I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
