my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
