I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
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