I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
