i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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