Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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