i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
