**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
