No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
