Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
