You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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