so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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