I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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