The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
