True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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