i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize