i wish my penis had a tongue
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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