Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
