theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
