I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
