I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
