I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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