is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
