hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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