wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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