Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
