Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
