doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
